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Monday, 10 October 2011


Girls who take an interest in your man while you're with them!  Now, my man is a good looking chap and I expect a few admiring fact, it makes me a bit proud!  However, the girls who ogle at him and throw me evils for being with him, I don't like!  What do you thinks gonna happen darlin?  He sees you giggling and flipping your hair around while throwing evils at his girlfriend, and he thinks "Wow, that girl seems friendly.  WHat the hell am I doing with this girl?  Im gonna ditch her right here and get it on with  this lovely specimin"               NO!!  Do it again, and i'll punch you in the throat.  Comprende?

Friday, 30 September 2011


People who stink!  Went to Lidl earlier and got my nasal passage assaulted. (going to Lidl is risky at the best of times, but I was just plain stupid to think I could get away with it on a sunny day!)   This bloke smelt so bad, that if I were somehow transported in to CSI or some other crime programme and I was investigating a murder  and I smelt that smell, I would say "Urgh, it's worse than I thought"!  He needs a good scrub down with some white spirit and a scouring pad.........geez louise!


Unexpected Sunshine............I know I should be happy, but i'm not!  I'd already ditched all my summer clothes for jackets, jeans and scarves.  I shouldn't have to think about shaving my legs, burrowing through my wardrobe for anything that fits and doesn't make me look fat or covering my feet in plasters so I can wear my very pretty, but exruciatingly painful sandals.  And then, when it is sunny all you read about in the papers, is about how sunny it is.......I know, for frig sake!  Oh, and also, it's supposed to snow next week.........WTH?!

Monday, 4 April 2011


People who always go on about how wacky and weird they are.  "Ooh, i'm crazy, me!  Everyone is always saying i'm mental and weird! I'm a nutter"  No, no you're not.  You're just irritating.  Just because you sometimes put on a pair of goofy looking glasses, or take photos of you striking a douche bag pose it does not make you wacky.

Saturday, 26 March 2011


Crusty nosed children.  Now, it's not the childrens fault, but this is something that makes me dry heave on a regular basis.  I hate kids with snotty noses!  It ruins their pretty little faces and make them look like an extra out of 'Oliver!'  Please parents hear my plea, WIPE YOUR CHILDRENS NOSES!!


Smokers.  I am a non smoker, and a particularly whingey one at that.  I'm the type of non smoker that smokers hate.  I cough and splutter whilst waving my hand manically in front of my face.  I choose not to smoke, actually I didn't choose not to, I just........didn't.  I didn't want to stink, I didn't want to die and I didn't want to shed out lots of wonga/money/cash/dough for the privilege.  So therefore, the thought of breathing in smoke that has been inside your body and then puffed out again, makes me not only, pretty pissed off, but also want to vom.
Also, why do smokers always walk whilst holding their cigarette beside them at childrens face height?  The amount of times i've nearly had a freak out because my boy has nearly had his precious skin burnt by those moronic idiots waving around a flaming weapon!!  Seriously, you don't want to cross me!

Monday, 21 March 2011


People who wear shorts, t-shirts or any other summer clothes at this time of year.  Just because the sun is out, doesn't mean that it's suddenly 30oC and baking hot.  The top temperature today was 11oC with a chilly wind.  I wore a jumper and a coat, could've done with my gloves really, but the sun enticed me!  However, there were too many people walking about with goosebumbs that you could've sanded down a chest of drawers with, and purple mottled skin that wouldn't have looked out of place in a morgue.......not attractive.