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Monday, 10 October 2011


Girls who take an interest in your man while you're with them!  Now, my man is a good looking chap and I expect a few admiring fact, it makes me a bit proud!  However, the girls who ogle at him and throw me evils for being with him, I don't like!  What do you thinks gonna happen darlin?  He sees you giggling and flipping your hair around while throwing evils at his girlfriend, and he thinks "Wow, that girl seems friendly.  WHat the hell am I doing with this girl?  Im gonna ditch her right here and get it on with  this lovely specimin"               NO!!  Do it again, and i'll punch you in the throat.  Comprende?

Friday, 30 September 2011


People who stink!  Went to Lidl earlier and got my nasal passage assaulted. (going to Lidl is risky at the best of times, but I was just plain stupid to think I could get away with it on a sunny day!)   This bloke smelt so bad, that if I were somehow transported in to CSI or some other crime programme and I was investigating a murder  and I smelt that smell, I would say "Urgh, it's worse than I thought"!  He needs a good scrub down with some white spirit and a scouring pad.........geez louise!


Unexpected Sunshine............I know I should be happy, but i'm not!  I'd already ditched all my summer clothes for jackets, jeans and scarves.  I shouldn't have to think about shaving my legs, burrowing through my wardrobe for anything that fits and doesn't make me look fat or covering my feet in plasters so I can wear my very pretty, but exruciatingly painful sandals.  And then, when it is sunny all you read about in the papers, is about how sunny it is.......I know, for frig sake!  Oh, and also, it's supposed to snow next week.........WTH?!

Monday, 4 April 2011


People who always go on about how wacky and weird they are.  "Ooh, i'm crazy, me!  Everyone is always saying i'm mental and weird! I'm a nutter"  No, no you're not.  You're just irritating.  Just because you sometimes put on a pair of goofy looking glasses, or take photos of you striking a douche bag pose it does not make you wacky.

Saturday, 26 March 2011


Crusty nosed children.  Now, it's not the childrens fault, but this is something that makes me dry heave on a regular basis.  I hate kids with snotty noses!  It ruins their pretty little faces and make them look like an extra out of 'Oliver!'  Please parents hear my plea, WIPE YOUR CHILDRENS NOSES!!


Smokers.  I am a non smoker, and a particularly whingey one at that.  I'm the type of non smoker that smokers hate.  I cough and splutter whilst waving my hand manically in front of my face.  I choose not to smoke, actually I didn't choose not to, I just........didn't.  I didn't want to stink, I didn't want to die and I didn't want to shed out lots of wonga/money/cash/dough for the privilege.  So therefore, the thought of breathing in smoke that has been inside your body and then puffed out again, makes me not only, pretty pissed off, but also want to vom.
Also, why do smokers always walk whilst holding their cigarette beside them at childrens face height?  The amount of times i've nearly had a freak out because my boy has nearly had his precious skin burnt by those moronic idiots waving around a flaming weapon!!  Seriously, you don't want to cross me!

Monday, 21 March 2011


People who wear shorts, t-shirts or any other summer clothes at this time of year.  Just because the sun is out, doesn't mean that it's suddenly 30oC and baking hot.  The top temperature today was 11oC with a chilly wind.  I wore a jumper and a coat, could've done with my gloves really, but the sun enticed me!  However, there were too many people walking about with goosebumbs that you could've sanded down a chest of drawers with, and purple mottled skin that wouldn't have looked out of place in a morgue.......not attractive.


Facebook photos.  I hate when people take 20 pictures of themselves in exactly the same pose, just at different angles.  Then feel the need to post them ALL on Facebook.  Also when people add a load of photos (taken on their mobile...not a professional camera) of a flower at a jaunty angle, or a stone, or a cup, or any other pointless are not a photographer.  Most of all I dislike the amount of "portfolios" that have been added on Facebook.  About 90% of the girls who add these pictures have obviously earned their skills from Tyra Banks and her school of 'Americas Next Top Model'.....if I see another girl "smizing" and pouting, it'll definately be too soon!  You are not a model!!!  CRINGE!

Sunday, 20 March 2011


Squeaky beds.  Ok, so perhaps our private displays of affection have something to do with this, but it's truly awful.  I have become a dab hand with the allen key and wd40 in my quest to fix this irritating and sleep depriving problem.  Our neighbour must think we are boinking mad, and that we are at it all night!  Just to confirm, we're not..!  Any slight turn or move in the night induces another selection of groan, squeaks and tuts.............therefore, we have decided to treat ourselves to a brand new bed and matress next month.  Ahhhh, I cannot wait :)

Thursday, 17 March 2011


Monsieur Bloggy here, describing what has become, over the past 9 months, a real gear grinder of mine. I don't like public transport any more than you, dear reader, but I've really started to loathe it. Sharing a carriage with people who would go to work without brushing their teeth if they could (and often do) is rubbish. These are also, although not always, the people who insist on ignoring clear signs I give off regarding personal space and more specifically, seating. Like in the animal kingdom, but not quite so graphically, most of us like to mark out our territory on trains - usually with a bag or coat. Whilst I appreciate the concept of sharing space with strangers on a train (it is 'public' after all), why, after having settled in and given my bag a seat next to me, can you not do the same? (On the 'public' note, this is akin to public toilets in so far as I would not expect to find a man pissing in the slot immediately next to me if there were a whole host of others further away to choose from). There are spare seats dotted all over this train, but you want to come and poke me with your elbows, bash my kness, pick your nose and snoop on my iPad (grrrr) without going to the minimal effort of looking for your own. Oh, and you're clearly ill, coughing all over the shop. Brilliant.


Men without genitals.  By this I mean men who wear skinny jeans.  A lot of people have probably had a moan about this, and i'm deffo gonna join in.  I know fashion is pain, and all that shiz, but come on!!  You are probably drastically lowering the chances of ever being able to impregnate any woman with that folded up, squashed piece of salami that you insist on torturing, in those tight denim prisons.  I'm a woman, and have had many run ins with wearing skinny jeans, and my under-carriage is very different to theirs!  I just don't understand where IT goes?!  Also, I thought men were supposed to be proud of that area.  Linford Christie anyone?  Let loose guys, don't torture yourself..........girls don't think you look cool, they just think you are pretentious and tiny........


Red hair.  I don't mean naturally red hair, I mean the bright pillar box kind, that everyone and their sister has got at the moment!  I don't care what the cool kids say, Cheryl Cole dyed her hair red, and then you all bloody followed!  Shame on you.  Not only has everyone got red hair, so therefore you do not stand out, but it's a friggin nightmarish colour to have.  You have to re-do it constantly because it fades so fast that you run the risk of looking like you've had a granny style rinse.  Not cool.  I'm wondering what the next colour will be.......hmmmm, i'll just stick to the brown thanks.


Shirly and Phil, pashing, in Eastenders.....

Seriously makes me sick.  Just watched the episode where they have the heart to heart about their relationship, and they start getting down to business............ bleurgh!  I actually had to look away!

They need to be killed off!

Wednesday, 16 March 2011


Fringes.  I have a fringe..............why, oh, why do I have a fringe?  Bloody nightmare!  If there is a God he has been pretty harsh on me!  Not only has he blessed me with a slightly lazy eye (I use the fringe to cover this up......Not Gabrielle or Lisa Left Eye stylee) but he has also given me a cow lick right in the middle of my forehead!  I spend about 20 minutes every day trying to coax it so sit flat, and as soon as I go outside it seperates and I look like i'm going bald.  Urgh!  Also, fringes need to be cut every other bloody day, or something......slight exageration, but it certainly feels that way!


Mornings......... I am deffinately not one of those people that throws back the covers and leaps out of bed. No, no, not me!  To be honest i'm not sure if I even believe that they exist!  Mornings are the bane of my life.  Every night I go to bed knowing that i'm gonna wake up groggy, grumpy and looking terrible!  What happens to me through the night that causes this?  I thought sleep was there to refresh and get you ready for another day?  I wake up looking like bride of Frankenstein, actually that's quite harsh on her.  Today is no exception.  Mr Bloggy was kind enough to get up with the boy so I could have a little longer in bed, but I think I feel exactly the same wether I have 5 hours sleep or 10!  No fair!

Tuesday, 15 March 2011


When girls who are obviously not fat say, "Urgh, i'm so fat!"  and of course, we all know they are just saying it for attention.


When you're wearing socks and you walk into the kitchen or bathroom and step in a small puddle of water.......change of socks is needed immediately.


GERMS!!  Ok I understand that nobody likes germs, but I have a phobia of people who carry the germs and dish them about willy nilly.  I have a thing about particles......Mr Bloggy thinks i've got issues, and I guess i'd have to agree!  For example, (I grossed Mr Bloggy out with this one!)  He was telling me about being at the gym the other morning (a breeding ground for all things icky) and he was weight training with his buddies, when one of them went in to the corner of the room to pass wind.  "Urgh" I said, "That's disgusting!  Why didn't he leave the room?!  Why did he go to the corner of a small room where you are all breathing a lot deeper than usual and fart out poo particles in to the air?!  Urgh, it was morning as well, so his bottom was probably un-washed!!"  (Mr Bloggy is a lucky lucky guy!)  But it's true!  Smelly stuff is little droplets of i'm no scientist, clearly, but if you breathe in that smell.......bleurgh, it's gross!!!


That mac laptops don't have a # key!  Had to google it!  Spent ages thinking that it was staring right back at me and I was being blind, but no, it's a mind trick!!  Oh it's there all right, but you have to do some fancy finger work to get it......


Singing with your headphones in at the top of your voice (at home of course, i'm not a crazy person!) and then taking them out and realising how truly awful your voice actually is........During that little rendition I was seriously thinking about applying for xfactor!


Shopping with people who have children.  I am a parent and I know it's tough to shop with kids, but seriously!!  Kids have no social boundaries and love to run in front of trollies, scream, grab things off the shelf and generally make a nuisance of themselves.  This of course doesn't include my hate of this behaviour has well and truly trained him to be a relatively good shopper!  However as the friend of the person with the children, I feel I get extremely stressed and irritated trying to keep the child/ren out of peoples way and stop them from running around like crazy people while the parent wanders around oblivious!!  This is why I never and I repeat never, go shopping with friends who have children!  Am I bad friend?  Probably, but I am a bad shopper at the best of times without having to worry that little Frank/Jane/Tracey is pulling the toilet roll out of it's packet, wrapping it around themselves and wandering around like a Mummy..........not on my watch sunshine!


Bumping in to someone that you haven't seen for a while, that you never really knew that well anyway, and trying to make polite conversation while your darling child tries to pull your arm off.........this is also tough for people without children, but I believe it really added to the very strained "What have you been up to?" (I don't really care) conversation


Checking your bank balance and finding that you have A LOT less money than you thought........urgh, dinner is gonna be light tonight darling ;o)


Ordering take-out and getting home to find that it's luke you A) dish it up and microwave it? or B) Put all the cartons in the oven for 15mins to warm up?  I got a take away because I didn't want to have to touch the oven, thank you very much!


Listening to the radio and not knowing any of the songs.  Saying that they all sound the same..........then realising what you've said, and feeling really, really old.......sad times  :o( 

Boggity blog blog blog!!

Hey All, Mrs Bloggy here!

My first ever post on our blog, The Book Of Poo!  Before I get started, I thought i'd explain what this, and, we're about.  We aren't all about the negativity, but we just enjoy a good moan.  We don't want to bring you down, just discuss those niggly, annoying, irritating etc things!  Everyone has at least something that bugs the hell out of them and we are here to embrace that!

Welcome to The Book of Poo!